What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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