Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
