We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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