how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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