as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
