Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
