I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize