Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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