just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
