If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
try to milk me bitch
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