Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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