Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
