well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
