I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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