my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
