Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
