Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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