Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
