Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
