at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
