just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
