TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
