remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
