It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
