just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
