Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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