we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
