Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
