So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
