the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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