What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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