Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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