literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
