Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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