Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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