i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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