My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
