Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Panties = found
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
