I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
