i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
