My girlfriend figured out who you are.
love makes seman taste better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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