Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
