No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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