Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
