I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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