Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
