I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize