you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize