Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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