Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize