When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
