i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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