eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
