Taylor Swift is so right about you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am available for nakedness
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
