bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
