so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
