foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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