I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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