...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she told me i tasted like america
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
