The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
