It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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