Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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