mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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