Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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