We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
