glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
