Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
