Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
