did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize