I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
