This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
